Although my mind was distracted by the news of a 2 months old baby slain by her mother, most probably due to puerperal psychosis, I just couldn't shake it off my mind so I wrote this on my FB:
Same old advice.
Tutup aurat.
Taat suami.
Tutup aurat.
Taat suami.
Weird la I thought. Maybe it's a program for women only kot. So I asked my maid (who was paying greater attention than me and laughing at all the jokes) is this show for women only?
She said no la, there are men in the audience too.
Then why didn't I hear anything about 'tundukkan pandangan' and 'tunaikan tanggungjawab beri nafkah zahir' (which I often hear is a major issue).
Biased betul.
I didn't think much of it and was glad to get it off my chest. I didn't expect that quite a few people actually agreed with me. Believe it or not, this is not the first time I wrote about this topic either. What set me off not too long ago was this WA message about women & aurat, which was fine but hey, why no reminder for men to likewise lower their gaze?
And I guess some people, not that they didn't agree, but perhaps failed to understand my point, saying women should not be jealous of men.
WHAT?
Did I ever say that the advise was not justified or unreasonable?
No right.
I just said it was unfair not to also advice the men. That's all. Don't blame all of the worlds problems on women. Even if all women dressed modestly as per the Quran and all women were obedient to their husbands, do you think the world would be free from problems? You must be kidding.
No right.
I just said it was unfair not to also advice the men. That's all. Don't blame all of the worlds problems on women. Even if all women dressed modestly as per the Quran and all women were obedient to their husbands, do you think the world would be free from problems? You must be kidding.
Since a few people didn't 'get it', I decided to come up with facts and examples to illustrate my arguments.
And now is a good time to put everything together.
Point number one:
Examples of men not fulfilling their obligations during marriage.
While women are supposed to obey their husbands, what are the husbands role? The husband must provide food, clothing, a place to stay for the wife and children, or wives and children, as the case may be.
Examples of men not fulfilling their obligations during marriage.
While women are supposed to obey their husbands, what are the husbands role? The husband must provide food, clothing, a place to stay for the wife and children, or wives and children, as the case may be.
Apakah nasihat anda/ustaz untuk lelaki yang berkahwin dua, ramai anak, hilang pekerjaan dan kemudiannya meminta sedekah dari perempuan lain?
Apakah nasihat anda/ustaz untuk lelaki yang berkahwin dua, tidak mampu menyediakan rumah untuk isteri no2, maka isteri no2 terpaksa tidur dalam kereta?
Kedua2 di atas adalah kisah benar dari rakan2.
Point number two:
What happens when men do not lower their gaze? You have to ask men.
As a woman, I can't answer that question directly, but as a doctor, I can say that there are many men in marriages (and even those unmarried) who engage in extra-marital sex. The number far exceed women who engage in extra-marital sex.
Tangisan seorang wanita.
Saya takkan lupa sampai bila2. Dia datang berjumpa kerana masalah kesihatan. Rupa2 nya simptom yang di alami adalah akibat dari jangkitan STD (sexually transmitted disease) atau penyakit kelamin.
Dia sudah berkahwin dan anak2 ada yang kecil, ada anak2 yang masih bersekolah.
Bukan senang untuk menerangkan keadaan, tetapi dia dulu yang volunteer info.
Rupa2nya suami dia mengadakan hubungan sulit. Dia dapat tahu pun secara kebetulan.
Dia mula menangis.
Saya pun terpaksa menahan sebak di dada.
Dia menceritakan segala kepayahan melahirkan dan membesarkan anak2, mudah begitu sahaja suami berlaku curang. Kesal dia berkahwin dengan lelaki tersebut.
Ada pula wanita lain, mendapat jangkitan HIV dari suami setelah berkahwin.
Kedua2 kisah benar.
Apakah nasihat anda/ustaz kepada para suami di atas?
Point number three:
Even when women dress modestly, they become victims of sexual crimes. Here are some real examples.
Masalah wanita?
Dia di bawa ke jabatan kecemasan kerana cuba membunuh diri. Saya mendekatinya untuk mendapatkan maklumat lanjut.
Dia menceritakan kisah bagaimana dia dirogol yang kemudiannya menyebabkan kemurungan dan keinginan untuk mati.
Ada pula yang lain dirogol semasa umur belum lagi bersekolah, (kurang dari 7tahun) oleh lelaki yang bukan orang yang tidak dikenali.
Seorang berjaya meneruskan kehidupan tetapi ada kecenderungan ke arah biseksual sementara seorang lagi menjadi atheist, katanya kerana ahli keluarga mempertahankan perogol dan hendak mengahwinkan mangsa dengan perogol.
Semua di atas adalah kisah benar.
Apakah nasihat anda/ustaz kepada kaum lelaki di atas?
Point number four:
Majority of cigarette smokers in Malaysia are men (figures are near 98%). Tragic.Not only is smoking haram, though legal, what is worse is the addiction hits those with poverty the most, to the extent that some forsake money to buy food in order to finance their nicotine addiction.
Why have I never heard any ustaz advice men to stop smoking?
Sepanjang bekerja di jabatan perubatan di Kelantan (hampir setahun), saya belum melihat satu pun kes cirrhosis atau penyakit hepar (organ hati) yang disebabkan arak atau alcohol.
Ini jika dibandingkan dengan bekerja di Kuala Lumpur dan Dublin, setiap minggu ada saja kes baru.
Bagus kan. Sebab arak kan haram, dan kat sini ramai orang Islam yang tak minum arak.
Yang pelik, COPD atau chronic obstructive airways disease/emphysema pula, sama banyak je dengan KL dan Dublin. Tiap2 minggu mesti ada kes. Sedangkan rokok pun haram.
Apakah nasihat anda/ustaz kepada kaum lelaki di atas?
Point number five:
"Perempuan kena tutup aurat, tak tutup aurat berdosa" said the ustaz. Then he moved on to the next topic.
Hmmmm....does the same not apply to men? Lelaki tak tutup aurat tak berdosa kot (is what the hidden or unspoken message sounds like).
Anak2 ajak pegi jogging. Sebenarnya masih kurang sihat (selsema) tapi tabahkan juga.
Seperti biasa, lalu padang bola on the way ke tempat parking.
Kebetulan lalu sekumpulan lelaki pakai seluar pendek uniform bola lintas jalan.
Apakah nasihat ustaz untuk para lelaki di atas?
Point number six:
Sadly, many men fail to provide for the children after divorce. No reminders from the ustaz at all, when in fact, the reminder should come monthly, or better still, by standing order or cut from source like income tax.
Lagi status "Apakah nasihat ustaz untuk para lelaki di bawah":
Terkejut beruk saya baca kisah seorang ibu menanti selama tiga tahun untuk mendapatkan bayaran dari bekas suami duit tanggung anak2.
Sungguh, saya tak sangka ada lelaki sanggup buat aniaya begitu pada darah daging sendiri.
Saya diberitahu oleh wanita tersebut, kesnya tak seteruk mana sebab ada yang terpaksa tunggu sampai sedekad. Istigfar banyak2. 
😡
😡
Sepuluh tahun. Kesian ibu dan anak2.
Ada pula kes lain, bekas suami menipu depan hakim kononnya takde kerja bagi nak mengelak bayar wang sara hidup anak2.
Nasib baik bekas isteri ada dapatkan surat dari majikan menunjukkan bekas suami mampu tapi sengaja nak elak.
Dah cerai pun nafkah anak2 tetap tanggungjawab bekas suami. Apatah lagi yang masih berkawin.
Saya pernah tulis post berkenaan hal yang sama, tapi dalam bahasa inggeris. Lepas post tersebut baru lah saya sedar masalah ni bukan sesuatu yang kecil atau kes terpencil.
Saje nak ulang sebab tak pernah dengar ustaz nasihat pasal benda ni.
Semua di atas adalah kisah benar.
While I agree that purely reminders from the ustaz may or may not change the issues above, at least they should include it since they are talking about women's responsibility in marriage, isn't it logical to include to role of men before or after that part as a compliment. Women and not the only ones involved in a marriage.
When they talk about women's aurat, please also emphasize that men should turn their gaze away from things that are not halal to their eyes. Men have a role to play too. Not just women.
